Here’s hoping this letter is a fake.
Last night, punk rock bands Frenzal Rhomb and Clowns played at the Marlin Hotel in Ulladulla, a coastal town in New South Wales about half way between Sydney and the Victorian border. Both bands are known for wild performances. You know, punk stuff. What punk has been since the 1970s.
It seems at least one member of the Milton Ulladulla Business Chamber did not get the memo; on Facebook today, Clowns posted an image of a complaint letter written under the chamber’s masthead:
Dear Ms [Redacted],
I am writing this letter to you after myself and others witnessed a disgusting performance at the Marina (sic) Hotel in Ulladulla this week by ‘rock’ acts Frenzal Rhomb and The (sic) Clowns.
A few of our staff members had already raised concern after seeing the poster, and had brought it to my attention last week. I paid $35 to witness some utterly horrifying “entertainment” and frankly, I’m disgusted that this was allowed anywhere near our town. Debauchery like this may suit the riff raff in Sydney, where violence and crass behaviour is celebrated and practiced (sic) on a daily basis, but i (sic) believe I speak for all of us here in Ulladulla when i (sic) say that filth like this should never be welcomed in our clean, positive and family friendly community.
Firstly I ask that my money is returned to me from whoever is responsible for organising this. Secondly I believe management and both bands playing at the rock concert should write a formal apology and also a promise that they never enter this town again.
I would love to see the complainer’s reaction to Lubricated Goat performing nude on Andrew Denton’s Blah Blah Blah on the ABC in 1988:
Lubricated Goat’s performance on Aunty attracted truckloads of complaints and media coverage, but that was last century. Punk is now a genre for the ageing Vyvyan Basterds as much as for young bands like Clowns.
There are some issues with the Rhomb/Clowns letter which make me wonder about its authenticity. Firstly, the author can spell “Frenzal Rhomb” correctly but misspelled “practised” and fails to capitalise the word “I”. Secondly, the person who is supposed to have written the letter (I have blanked that out in case the letter is real) is not mentioned anywhere on the Milton Ulladulla Business Chamber’s website. The website is, however, quite out of date in places. Thirdly, how can someone from a business group apparently get the name of a local business wrong?
Anyway, real or fake, Clowns’ response on Facebook was a classic:
Dear Ms [Redacted],
We are terribly sorry. Here’s the refund for your ticket. Keep the change.