In a move expected to have a huge impact on the UK’s European Union referendum, the alliance’s arts chiefs have announced plans to make Eurovision-style key changes mandatory in all music.

Leave campaigners are already campaigning hard on the issue. UKIP leader Nigel Farrage said that, while he didn’t listen to anything except the Horst-Wessel-Lied, pop musicians should be free to determine how they wanted to make their music awful themselves.

“This is emblematic of why we want Britain out of the EU,” Farage told willpjk.com over lunch yesterday.

“The proposed law is another example of the EU stepping out of its financial remit and into social policy. Now where’s that Bordeaux I ordered?”

Bremainer David Cameron is yet to respond to the announcement, but an aid has reportedly said the prime minister was concerned encouraging key changes “could see him lose his title as most annoying noise in Britain.”

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I wrote this clearly very serious article at the start of the month and for some reason have put off uploading until to just hours before polls close. I blame the EU and its pencils. Kiss me Nigel!